Have injested nothing but 3 cups of coffee, low calorie orange juice &.... more coffee. I'm hyper lol. I was wondering....
Okay. here's the story. Yesterday I got REALLY sick . :( No bueno, man. lol. Upchucked to the max with out even putting fingers there. Anyways, I'm planning to break my fast on Sunday (Or is it saturday since it's the 5th day?).
I need help? :) So far, I'm doing good avoiding the food. I don't miss it. BUT I miss my damn grape juice >:|.
lol.
Uhm, when I break the fast, I know i'm supposed to eat light- mostly fruits & veggies, But uhm... My house hardly has any fruits & we're running out of lettuce & brocoli. Can I have Kix for breakfast that day? It's 22 calories per 1/4 cup...Which I only ever eat from it when I do. >.>
Any suggestions?
For breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
I'm sorry lol. I just lost my fasting virginity. XD

I feel really bloated today, I don't think purgin at work helped but it had to be done and now my tummy is in bits, Hurts when I breath in, tomoro has to be better, I have to sit through lunch with my mum in law and if I excuse the food that I have to order Im worried she'll tell Ben!
He asked again today if I was lookin after mysel, Said he doesn't want to come home to me lookin like a rat he didn't mean it the way I took it but it still hurt, what if he takes one look at me at that airport and walks straight back through the gate becos I look ill, or Im  not the picture he was hopin to see? Im worried he wont love me for who I am,, but this is who he fell inlove with. This is me, I don't know who else to be!

Hey Loves,

First I want to thank everyone on here for being so sweet and supportive! This is seriously the nicest community. We don't have the same fights as the other ones. Let's keep it that way.

And a special thank you to all of you who comment on any of my posts. Even when they're pointless or rambling.
You all keep me sane and I love you all :)

Second, its going to be that time of the month any day now. It explains the bloating and cravings and possibly the two pounds I've gained.

Third and finally, I purged last night. I'd gone about 13 days without doing it. But my mother made hamburgers and wouldn't take "I'm not hungry". I ate two, no buns, with ketchup and A-1 and I literally felt so disgusted and sick I couldn't keep myself from doing it. I got rid of as much as I could. The worst part is I went back later after drinking a ton of water and threw up the water. I don't know why. I just felt like I needed to do more even though I knew I wasn't going to get anything else up.

Fuck.

I'm becoming a pescatarian again. That means only veggies and seafood. But it's basically the equivalent of going vegetarian since my fam never makes seafood and college doesnt have many options. But calling myself "pesca-" rather than "vege-" means I won't be questioned. I made it a new year's resolution. :)

I'm going to try to break my record for not purging. Maybe I can make it into a game. Come up with rewards like shopping and such. Idk.

I just need to be better about exercising and restricting. I'd much rather have that be my obsession.

Hope everyone's well and sorry for being a downer. Hope you all are having wonderful days and are feeling good about yourselves! You're all beautiful and you deserve to be happy!

xox, Alice

hi hunies :)
I have a question, if anyone can help me out, ill really appriciate it :)
does any1 know what vitamin b12 does? I heard a while ago, from a girl (with bulimia) that it increases your metabolism? Is this true? If not, does it contribute to WL at all?
any help appriciated :)
hope your all ok and having a good day xDD
xxXXxx

i woke up feeling thin today...and 8 lbs from my goal!
going to stock up on green tea all day :)
plus i'll be sitting on a bus for 5 hours with no food to keep me from snacking

question: what are some foods that are high in protein, but are "safe"?

I want female companionship so bad... It's reached the point where the word "want" has become too trivial. I need physical female companionship so bad right now.

How can anyone who wants to be "skinny" believe in what the rest of the world calls recovery?
Even if I "recover" from this state of mind, gain weight, become what they think of as normal..
Stop thinking this way, counting calories and staring at my body in the mirror, looking at thinspo videos on you tube?

I did actually gain some weight because I felt that my face looked sunken and wasted away. I still do not feel pretty.

I do not feel fat so much as depressed and "imperfect". My stomach is not flat enough and my thighs look gross. Oddly, I know even as I say this that other people would say I look good.
I know I am sick in the head, but I felt happier when I acted on these thoughts and deprived myself. Feeling in control felt so good.

I don't think I can maintain this "normalcy"...
Restricting made me feel like I was on my way to being "forever thin".
I know logically that perfection is a myth..
but that cannot keep me from going back to where I am comfortable and felt free and empty...

I met my friend in Denver for shopping and happy hour, and we went into this awesome little boutique where I tried on a very cute/sexy lingerie top.  The saleswoman made a comment on how skinny i was and took the smaller size off of the mannequin for me which made me feel like a million bucks!  And i will say, I was not totally displeased with my appearance, except for my tiny boobs that didn't fill the top out enough :( but it still felt good to be their little "model" and have them keep bringing me stuff to try on!  

Then we went to a nice place for happy hour and my friend insisted that I split a plate of truffle fries with her (I would NEVER order that on my own, and this particular friend is on the heavier side....) So i ended up eating half of them and trying to PURGE as much as I could, but didn't feel like I got much up.  So in the car on the way home, in rush hour and a snow storm, I was trying to make myself puke into a shopping bag.  While driving.  To me that seems pretty low, what do you all think? Is anyone else this fucking consumed with getting all food out of their body!?  Argh I feel like I should be mad at myself for putting myself and other drivers in danger but I'm not, I feel like I ate those damn fries so I had to do what I had to do.  I was going to puke in the parking garage by my car but thought I'd be more likely to get caught.  

Also today I went to an initial consultation for a ED treatment program, that my current therapist referred me to because I've gotten quite a bit worse regardless of being in 'treatment' since April.  My bf also told me about this place after I told him that i've fallen back into this.  It's an intensive outpatient program and it costs $15,000.  Thank god for insurance....but.....wtf am I really going to go through with it???  It was really a slap in the face today to see where I have gotten myself.  Especially since I'm fitting comfortably into my size 4s ( I know I talk about them a lot but I'm sooooo happy with that!) and having store owners that i look skinny....why would I give that up to spend TONS of time and money in treatment???  Yipes.  

But, as I posted in my journal.....I don't know which is scarier?  Being so f*ed up that I'm facing a $15 thousand dollar treatment program, or the fact that I'm so f*ed up that i'm purging into a bag in my car while driving.  Icky icky gross hell! 

My bf and some of his friends are going out to a pizza place tonight and he said that I'd come but told everyone that I probably wouldn't eat.  WTF they're all going to be like wtf is wrong with Jonny's girlfriend??? I know that going there is just setting myself up to purge, if I break down and have even one bite.  Any advice on how to enjoy myself without ending up disappointing myself and my bf by ending the dinner in the bathroom? 

So thank you for reading this if you took the time to!!!!   I  thought the color and bolding of the text might make it more interesting :)

THANK YOU ALL FOR EXISTING AND BEING SO WONDERFUL TO EACH OTHER!!!!

heyahh sweeties
how is everyone ?
omg well its been snowing like mad over where i live (wales - near cardiff ) but i have still done some excrise done about 30 minuters speed walking 1 hour wii fit plus and then 30 minuters just jumping around dancing and all that so all together 2 hours plus my dad is off out tonight so i will poubs do about 2 hours speed walking and about 2-3 hours running
ok calories wise ive had 360 so im going to have some cereal later so total for today is 400 yayy and I WILL NOT BINGE
fingers crossed anyway i normally binge when my mam or dad goes out :( but i will not do it tonight
and weigh myself i losed 2 pounds yayyyy going to weigh again tonight so ill updata you later ok guyss
stay strong
all my love and support
rose xxxxx

most of the time, the reason i don't have the courage to post here is b/c i fail.
i've been on a binge-roll for the past 3 days and i don't have the guts to even log in to LJ.
make it short, i'm too ashamed b/c i have no control.

gosh.. i wish i had willpower.
i desperately have to lose weight.. yet..?


my cousin will be back on the 16th, so it will be harder for me to not eat..

meanwhile, i should control myself to the max while she's not here yet.
i don't care. i'll just restrict and refrain.



if i could do this, it would show me that i can control my own life for the better.



--
so sorry girls :(

I was motivated to keep this going for 5 days after I overheard my sister talking to my mom about how she wants to be a size 3 again. I'm planning to go on for 5 days. Tuesday down. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, & Saturday to go.
Question 1: How do you break a liquid fast?
Question 2: I'm feeling nauseous, weak & I'm having one hell of a head ache. Is that normal during a fast?

So I finally aquired a scale I have not weight myself in the past month.
CW:137.8
HW:143
GW:125 ( Jan 25 )
115 ( Feb 12 )
110 ( Feb 25 )

Attempted my first liquid fast & I have to say... I applaud myself LOADS.
To the people who responded to my last post, thank you. :) Made me smile like CHEEZE,YO. lol. I wonder if it's normal that I'm so hyper but I haven't chewed a thing today. BUT I did drink some coffee from some store. Teacher got it for me, I drank less than a half so just to be safe, I round that to... 75 calories. From then- nothing. But right now, diet coke. Awesome. I. feel. AWESOME.

Well I can't keep track of livejournal and blogspot and even if my bf found my blogspot he promised he wouldnt go on it anymore...
So anyone have a blogspot?
Mines is http://memorialperfection.blogspot.com/
I would gladly follow because whether people know it or not,
My inspiration comes from alot of you.

Anyways,
Today so far,
222.5 calories..
I feel fat
:(

Hey everyone, been a long while since I posted. You know how it is.

2 STONE TO LOSE. At the very least. It feels like an upward battle and the top of the hill feels miles away, however remaining positive, it can and WILL be done. To add to my new years resolutions, 1. Get organised, it seems a bit silly but i'm thinking of writing a menu for each week so when I go shopping I only buy the bare minimum and not what feels like a good idea at the time. Not sure if you can see my method in my madness. Also incorporating an exercise regime and that way, when it's written in front of me hopefully I won't deviate from it or forget what i'm supposed to be doing. 
2. Quit smoking! I'm on day two and so far so good. It's a bit crazy because quitting smoking is associated with putting on weight but as long as I don't replace smoking with eating I think i'm safe, plus, if you think about it, i'll be healthier and be able to push myself further when exercising, or at least, that's my theory. If anyone knows anything different, or anything at all please let me know!

One last thing, anyone tried diet pills? Anyone know any good ones? And where to get them? That last one is a biggy, it seems all the good ones are really hard to get hold of! (live in England, if that has anything to do with it) 

Final word (honest) i'm not sure if it's any good at burning calories but was playing boxing on the wii and my arms are KILLING :D i'm hoping it might tone my arms up but I am concerned about chunkiness if I end up building muscle, don't want to look like arnold schwarzenegger! I'll be back!

Think thin, keep up the good work

lots of love xxx

So far so good today :)
I have only eaten 140 calories in cheese and have been drinking water.
I feel very strong today and i am very happy.
I have spent my day looking up 'diet' pills such as apidexin, Phenphedrine, and Liporexall. Has anyone taken these or know of one with proven results? any input, positive or negative, would be greatly appreciated.

-L

heyahh girless
how is everyone ?
ok today and yesterday wernt so bad you now could of been better could of been worse :)
but woooo yesterday i had the wii fit plus for my birthday (among other things) and its brill it tells you how many calories you burn and how many calories are in some food
so far today i have burned 266 not very good but im going to have a another go later
ok so ive had about 600 calories today :/ but im going to try and burn off around 500 - 600
and girless im so proud of my self earlier i sat down stairs (quite hungry) with a bowl of choclate and sweets on my lap for 15 MINUTERS and i did not touch 1 of then :D hey its a start and i WILL NOT TOUCH ANY OF THEN LATER ETHER I WILL BE STRONG
I would say yesterday i had about 1000 -1300 calories soo you now
hopefully its soupst to be snowing heavily tonight and tommrow so thats no college yayy it will still have a week to lose my 3-5 pounds i have ony losed 2 so far
anywayss stay strong
all my love and support
rose x x x x

am doing okay today am still on my raw food diet (day five) and i havent purged yet in five days(a huge accomplishment). but i dont feel so good because am not losing weight.

does anyone know where i can get green tea pills from? because they didnt have any at the pharmacies :( i can only get them online?

someone posted about their mum starting a diet and its too old for me to comment now but i can totally relate :( my mum eats so damn little i actually suspect she has an eating disorder. she is normal weight wise (probably a little underweight) and she is always dieting,she always uses the bathroom after eating and closes all the doors on her way there, or she suddenly eats too much. i also have two clinically diagnosed anorexic aunts and a cousin. so i feel we are all in sort of a competition. i hate it.

i love all the girls here. such a supportive community u guys all rock. we all go through almost the same shit everyday. i wish we all get better <3
as i always say, thank you.

XX

I gained again. I'm 121 now. It's because the office had an office lunch yesterday. I started out great then suddenly I was just shoving food into my mouth.

The good thing is I didn't purge. Wouldn't let myself. I was so close to it too. But I didn't :)

However that means I'm a pound heavier today. Fuck this. Fuck mia. Fuck the binge tendencies and the purge tendencies.

So since I'm not purging anymore, that means I can't binge anymore.

I've had a cup of coffee, black, today and that's it. But it's only 10:47 am. I'm worried that we'll do another office lunch since this new girl is working. Give me strength to ignore mia.

xox, Alice